Confession

I have a confession to make; I have not been enjoying motherhood lately. I realize this sounds awful, so please don't judge - I am trying here!

I don't know if it's because my husband has been working overtime, or that vacation time has set in and Keke has been home every day for 6 days and there are still 5 days left to go, or that I am just running on empty in social, emotional & mental areas. Perhaps it's all the above. Perhaps it's because I have been looking inward and not upward, to Him. I just know that I am frustrated with my attitude. I made the choice to be a SAHM, my husband supports this choice. I should feel blessed. I have two healthy & beautiful children and at one point even wanted more.

This is not easy for me to write; to ask for help, assistance, encouragement, compassion, support, empathy.. anything you think you could offer to help would be appreciated. I cringe at the thought of someone looking at me as helpless and hopeless, I am not, but certainly feel this way lately.

Don't get me wrong, we have been having fun, loads! We've played outside on days it was nice, we've had time to get out and enjoy all that life offers with friends and family. We have added new and fun "toys"& activities - from a sensory tub to paint in bags, baking & more finger painting! The kids have been helpful with daily chores of laundry, dishes, cleaning- they do such nice jobs of wiping things down!

So why? Why do I feel like an empty shell of a woman that is cringing away from my children every time they whine and complain? I am so tired of them walking all over me and playing up their naughty tricks. I am disciplined with them, I am just worn out.

Rest assured friends, I am not going to do anything stupid or crazy - I am mother after all, I do have their best interests at heart. I could just use a shoulder or few to cry on.